Wednesday, July 13, 2016

When The Best 18 Months Are Over....

And you know there isn't any going back...
 What Happens Next......
I still think constantly about the people from my mission...its always going through my head, the events and lessons taught and so on.
What The Hardest Parts
 Its weird being alone often. That was hard for me coming home and sleeping in a room alone, not reading text messages aloud, or talking on speaker on the phone with every call...Most of my mission I was waiting for the moment I could be alone and not have someone breathing over my shoulder...I used to  love being alone. But now when I was alone I realized how alone I really feel sometimes...needless to say I don't like waiting around doing nothing alone all day.
Everything felt so different when I got home-Still does. When I first got home I  was in Kentucky I didn't unpack and had no desire to, I lived out of my suitcases for 5 days...Then I left to South Carolina. When we got in it was late at night...I felt I should unpack...everyone was asleep. The whole time unpacking I cried wishing I could go back to the mission. I knew I couldn't go back. My time being a full time missionary was over. It was that night I realized while praying that my mission wasn't over, it wasn't over when the stake president extended the official release. On the mission I had read somewhere from about how the mission is to prepare us for our eternal one. So here I was at 12 am being reminded of a lesson I learned months earlier. It was a powerful moment of being reminded by the spirit. I love how the Holy Ghost brings stuff to our remembrance.

What Have I Been Up Too
As most of you know I got sealed to my mom and dad in the Louisville, Kentucky temple. It was a lovely day. And I couldn't be more grateful for that experience. Since I've been off the mission I've been trying my best to find ways to stay connected with them and building and strengthening relationships with them. I literally just want nothing more than to love, trust, and to be able to see them as Christ sees them. I'm grateful for the journey it’s taken to get us to where we are now. It’s time to work together for this eternal family. If we want this to work that is.

The 8 yr old &  I
  Why was I in South Carolina you ask...well I was there to nanny while Lauren did her internship. I can't post the kids names online anywhere or pictures where you can see their faces...but they are 4,6,8 yrs old. And I love these 3 kids with all my heart. On days where it was a struggle to get out of bed, and on days I wanted nothing to do with anyone, these kids would say or do something that would just soften my heart. I know now why I was in South Carolina and it wasn't just to watch these kids or to cook  them lunch it was so they could heal my heart. And to help me see first hand what it means to love someone fully. Kids do it so perfectly. And yes none of us are perfect and even these kids have battles they are fighting but I know the battles I was facing internally they helped me overcome. 

Last Night In SC

While in Clemson I met some really great YSA's and the sister missionaries were amazing. And although I didn't get close to all of the YSA's. I couldn't be more grateful for the ones I did get to know. I know some of them are miles away from me right now but they have said some amazing things to me, reminding me of who I am and just supporting me so much. Girls and guys,I met a lot of great  people there. I loved South Carolina -it was the hardest thing  having to  leave there. 

At A Visitor Center
 The road trip was great. I couldn't have been more grateful for it.  Or for the Hardy's bringing me out to Utah. They have been so good to me. It was nice to be able to stop at a couple church historical sites and even to be able to have so many spiritual witnesses that this next step is one I am to take. I was taught so much on this trip. And spending time in the car gives you a lot of time to think. And it was nice to  be able to just relax. 
I know my mission is over, and so is my short chapter of my life in SC, I just hope it's not one that is blinked and missed in 20 yrs. Life may never be easy for me but I've decided it's better that way. If it was easy  it wouldn't be worth it. Adjusting has become my middle name.  Not one I love. But I know just as well as the next person that Christ suffered for each  and  everyone of us. And He will never forget us. What a very special thing to remember. We are loved. Known by name, The whole road trip I was sick, and crying over things didn't help. But the point is, even though I felt alone....I knew I wasn't and I could still feel God's love. When I got to  Utah I got a job right away...which I'm trying to figure out. I'm still interviewing places. I know  things will work out. Just like they always have. Just think who would have thought I'd be where I am now? I surely didn't especially at 16. The gospel of Jesus Christ is all about becoming better. And following Christ example. Plus so much more. But I just know we are special. And even if some days suck we can overcome those days. Look at me, I mean I made it.
Back In Utah

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